The one where I facepalm…

Found this guy on youtube…

OK, and they never show bathrooms on the Starship Enterprise.
Just becuase it is not in the movie, does not mean it does not exist, but rather they decided to focus on other things.

I am getting less and less patient with the dumber intellectuals that are out there.
Come on. You are supposed to be smart. Think for a minute.

The one where I remember where it came from.

I had an update on facebook that went something like:

I am convinced everytime I come to the doctors office that I am going to have my feet cut off, and then I’m going to go blind before exit.‪#‎thejoyofirrationalfears‬
And others responded, glad that they had no such fear. One thought to offer a trigger event about this fear. Nice though the thought was, I remember when I gained my fear of hospitals and doctors. I was twelve.

My aunt (gone many years now) was an enormous woman. Tall, wide, majestic like a mountain… literally. She had been hospitalized with unknown unexplained ailments that still left her talking and breathing, and she was kind and she was nice, and so I was eager to visit her in the hospital with my mother. It turns out my Aunt had advanced diabetes and had not dieted, exercised, or taken insulin.

At all.
 
I remember walking into the room and the first thing that hit me was I thought of as ‘changing station sheets’ all over the floor. They are the little absorbent pads nurses used when I had a newborn family cousin to catch any spills when changing the little sucker. These, however, were on the floor, and they were as thick as a carpet. In the middle of the space between the beds there was a chair toilet. The other toilet was simply feet away, but the use of this wheeless wheelchair with a tub in the seat became clear from the bloody sears all over the pads.

I remember very clearly the pattern of gore all around the bed, lavatory chair, and staining the sheets. I started to breathe fast, and that was a further mistake. It stunk and nearly made my eyes water. Well it was at that moment my Aunt came out of the bathroom (the chair was too uncomfortable for a woman of her girth to use regularly) and hobbled into bed. The smell that was simply a hint underneath the antiseptic hospital fog and full time venting of the room detonated like a dead dog left in the sun for  a few weeks.
dead
My aunt had feet the size and shape of footballs, massive, swollen and disfigured. The surface was pockmarked with sores, deep crater like things that oozed blood and pus.Have you ever been around someone who had an abscess drained? No? Let me tell you that the smell of pus is like the antithesis of everything living, and it was everywhere. Every step pressed more out of her feet, and the moment it hit the air it did nothing else but travel into the lizard parts of my brain and hit the “Run away” button so hard it broke. Permanently.

monty-python-killer-rabbit-run-away
Yes, I kissed and hugged my aunt, and said all the things visitors say to people who are guests at the hospital. But after, I spent most of my time wandering the halls, away from the smell, not understanding the injuries I had seen, nor that the reason for them was a genetic hiccup that ran in the family.

I didn’t understand much, but I understood the smell. I understood the button.
Every doc who has seen me since I was 15 thinks I have high blood pressure.
Wonder why? ;)

 
The smell was a mixture of

the one that was pretty much done for me…

..and I am greatfull, (crap) Gratefill.. (ugh) grateful.

Well, I have finally announced what I have been doing the last few months. Firstly, THE GuysThE GiYS...

ugh… sinus infection.

OK… the good people at Knight Errant Games  were kind enough to include an interview of yours sickly, discussing the upcoming novel they commissioned: Dwarf Wars (working title). These guys have a unique game world worthy of playtime at any RPG table. If you have a few bucks to spare, you could do much worse than improve the quality of games floating out there. Find the kickstarter HERE

Also excciting exciting

We are about a week away from launch of my first independent title.

The Echoes of Those Before.

Echoes cover half

It is a novel that harkens back to classical, high fantasy questing and the anthropomorphic heroes I grew up with watching Disney movies. So, yes, it is a furry novel. before you let that simple sentence set your opinion, please understand, this is not an adult themed novel. It is high fantasy. It is meticulously written. I think the time is here for a this novel, and I’ve gone on a bit of a limb to see if I am right. All I ask is a chance. It will be available on Amazon.com

List Price: $11.99
6″ x 9″ (15.24 x 22.86 cm)
Black & White on White paper
262 pages
Copper Fox Books
ISBN-13: 978-0692436639 (Custom Universal)
ISBN-10: 0692436634
BISAC: Fiction / Fantasy / Epic

Hungry. Feral. Remorseless.
Demonic creatures have crawled from their hives for the first time in thousands of years. They seek their prey relentlessly, seemingly invincible. Swarming across the world to blot out whole nations.
Two young men, an orphan and a maverick, will pick up one of the most powerful weapons ever forged by Those Before and stand against the rising tide of darkness. They shall bet their bodies, their spirits and their immortal souls in a bout that shall break the wave of sharp, black chitin, or fail and doom the whole world and all that dwell in it.
It is in this world that a dark shadow has been cast. It will fall across all people in time unless these two can rally the Folk to stop it. Step into a new world with this pair as they venture from the safety of the Fox Vale, into the cold embrace of the wide world.
They will face danger, adversity, and treachery, all as they strain to listen, to hear any clue in THE ECHOES OF THOSE BEFORE

Enjoy a new fantasy setting good for ages teen and above. Delve into the secrets of a dangerous world, and discover the secrets of the doom hanging over them all.

This new fantasy series has the magical fantasy elements of Tolkien, with the flavor of a Disney epic. Sure to be fun for any member of the family, it is especially good for any reader of fantasy or furry fiction.

The one… where I admit I’m a slacker… kinda.

I just moderated a comment from a new fan and I realized I have not posted to this blog in forever. I’m getting questions about what I am up to and what is coming. I can only say I am very sorry. I guess it is time for some confessions and an update.

Last year I lost my day job. Since then it has been a financial struggle to keep my home and so forth. Trying to find another job is difficult since my experience knocks me out of opening positions, and equal positions are often jealously guarded. It has, however, allowed me to work on more novels than I thought possible.

I am working on a contract for Heroes’ Tears. The novel is a Fantasy, set in a war torn historical era of this RPG. It should be out next year.

I finished the sequel to I Know Not, the Legacy of Fox Crow. This one, The Opus Discordia, deals with Crow after leaving (running) from his recent successes and gets saddled with an apprentice, gets involved in a three hundred year old plot to overthrow a kingdom, and is haunted by a ghostly composer as well as a new crop of assassins. It is in the hands of the Publisher, who has it out for editing, and is awaiting the cover still.

That being said, I have not been resting on my laurels (such as they are). I am working on a sequel to Whispering of Dragons called The Clash of Souls. It is in progress, and I hope to have the manuscript in the hands of the publisher soon

Next I finished a new fantasy novel, a whole new story in a new fantasy series. This one is a departure from my standard fantasy work, and I hope to have it ready by April 1st. I say departure and I mean it: It is epic fantasy instead of dark fantasy, it is going to be self published (mostly due to my desperate need for cash, pretty fast), and it has… other qualities that set it apart. More will be announced soon, but for more updates keep an eye on THIS PAGE.

So I’m working pretty hard, and a lot of stuff is falling by the wayside. This blog amongst them. I want to do another Radiation Angels Novel. I want to finish another Fox Crow. There’s a lot to do, and now it is all very important.

See, every purchase used to be an important acknowledgement of my work. Now it is my life blood. I eat, my lights stay on, depending on my wife going to work, and the work I put out to give everyone a few minutes respite and entertainment. You are all keeping me alive, and for that I want to say thank you. I am truly humbled.
Now, if I can ask, please leave a review on goodreads or amazon. Please blog about what of my books you have read, recommend them to friends. I feel like I am imposing on friends and family, but I have to ask. I’m just starting to climb and air getting thin out here already.

Always remember you can keep up with my work on my Amazon Author Page.

You can like James Daniel Ross if you facebook.

But, overall if you have bought books, I thank you.
Now it is my mission to write faster than any of you can read.
And do it so well you curse me for it.

Wolf

The One Where I Mock A Youtube Video for Terrorists

I found this:

Palestinians release disturbing video how to stab a jew

Which had this video set to especially angsty teen generic metal

And that lead to me being filled with venom and I wrote:

Excerpt from ISIS Getting Your Stab On Manual:

Step #1: Cover your face! You are obviously a terrorist douche stain. This means you have severe issues with all of society and women in general and it probably stems from the fact that you are fugly. Seriously, people are trying to eat, right over there. Cover that shit up, your nose looks like a dogs penis. Wrap the kerchief tight, and make sure none of that shows. Fugly. Seriously.

Step #2: Bathe! see above, except you stink like a pile of manure had sex with a corpse. The great Snackbar does not have a jihad against water, for Christ’s sake. And use soap this time. And would it make Snackbar cry to use a toothbrush?

Step #3: Notice all of these stabs are done to unsuspecting victims. This is CRITICAL. If you attempt to have a fair fight against a Jew, even an old Jewish lady, we will not be responsible if she beats the dog snot out of you and leaves you whimpering on the ground for everyone to see. And it will happen! So, strike like a coward and run away to live to run another day. And the bath thing… really, it is not even a suggestion think of it as a fatwa on your armpits.

Step #4: Use your AK bayonet! Do you think money grows on trees? There is no better stabby thing in the world than your average, unsharpened bayonet. Oh, you think you sharpened it, do you? Just like you cleaned your guns, did your laundry, and ended the prohibition on killing your own body lice? Go sharpen it again, recruit. Not that it matters, trust us.

Step #5 (optional) Now you may be the kind of starry-eyed racist that says to yourself; Self, this looks like bullshit. I will definitely be caught at the first checkpoint and beaten until I can barely catch a goat in order to fulfill my needs. Fear not, goathumper! It turns out you are slightly brighter than the common gitmo-bound rabble we recruit here at camp Ballgown-Nazis. And for that we will disregard this staby training and move directly onto Suicide Vests! Further good news! We are moving into biological warfare, so you do not have to bathe, though you will likely be instructed through gas masks so pay close attention. Report to Camp Little Crater in the morning.

Dismissed.